How Normal is THAT?
by same.blue.sky
Summary: The secret thoughts of Sirius, Regulus, Bellatrix, Narcissa, and Andromeda. Not at all what anybody would call sane. In their defense, they turned out pretty well for people whose parents are also cousins.


Disclaimer: Not mine, etc.

I got the inspiration for this when I read the _Confessions of Georgia Nicholson_ Series, and I had the urge to use that a-bit-like-a-diary-though-obviously-not-being-written-by-the-narrator-because-they'd-always-be-writing-in-it-then-and-would-seem-mentally-deranged style of writing. If you haven't read them, you should. They're my second-favorite series besides HP. Anyway, there will be one chapter each for Sirius, Regulus, Belatrix, Narcissa, and Andromeda. Each of the characters acts in a very exaggerated (read: OOC) way, except Bellatrix, who probably is just that crazy. Well, Sirius is first. Enjoy!

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Part One -- Sirius Black and the Case of the Missing Hairbrush

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**13 May, 1977**

**11:17 am**

Herbology is incredibly stupid. Plus, it's about a million degrees in the greenhouse. Who wants to go though this much trouble to learn about stupid plants, anyway? Not me, that's who.

**11:25 am**

Absolutely brilliant! Evans fainted from the heat, and Prongs decided to "spring into action" and save her, but he tripped over a Fanged Geranium and twisted his ankle when he jumped up. Now they're both in the hospital wing together. How terribly romantic. Not.

**8:30 pm**

**Detention**

In detention. PRONGS decided to throw some newt eyes into Snivelly's cauldron from far away, and Slughorn thought it was me. He (Prongs) just went along with it, let me take the blame and didn't get a punishment at all! Now I have to wash the explosion from the potion off of the ceiling. Without magic, using a ladder!

**8:35 pm**

Maybe I should fall off the ladder and die tragically. Then they'd all be sorry.

**8:36 pm**

Nah. It would be heinous of me to deprive the world of my perfection.

**9:00 pm**

Detention over. In terrible pain, muscle-wise. I will not talk to Prongs ever again, as he is no longer my friend for putting me through that.

**9:01 pm**

Going on a kitchen raid with Prongs. Back later.

**14 May, 1977**

**11:34 am **

Woke up at the crack of dawn, only to discover that the unthinkable has happened. Someone has stolen my hairbrush.

**11:40 am**

Still no hairbrush. Tried to borrow Prongs', but he has some kind of charm on it, it tied to eat my hand. He is not right in the head, I think.

**11:56 am**

Found hairbrush. Evans's friend with the big tits was snogging it in the common room. How normal is i that /i ?

**12:01 pm**

Hairbrush covered in lipstick now. Fan-fucking-tastic.

**1:40 pm**

**Quidditch Practice**

Ace team this year. Evans' friend with the big tits who tried to snog my hairbrush (or EFWBTWTTSMH for short) is on the team. Tried to sneak into the girl's locker room while she was changing, but there is a charm on the door. Too bad.

**2:00 pm**

EFWBTWTTSMH fainted when I took off my shirt ten minutes in. It wouldn't be that awful to just lose one player, but every guy on the team (excluding James and I) decided they needed to carry her to the hospital wing. It is very obvious that they are trying to cop a feel. Just me, twitchy Abigail, and Prongs left now. He is signalling end of practice.

You'd think, as team captain, he'd try to stop the whole team leaving to sexually harass our Keeper. He should be ashamed.

**2:02 pm**

Told Prongs: "You should be ashamed that, as team captain, you didn't try to stop the whole team leaving to try and sexually harass our Keeper."

He threw his sweaty robes on my head. That's nice, right?

**2:40 pm**

Evans seems to think I deliberately made her friend faint! She made a beeline for me as soon as I got into the common room and started yelling at me. It went a bit like this:

"BLACK!"

"Yes, Evans?"

"What'd you do to Meredith?"

"Who?"

"My friend, Meredith! You made her faint at Quidditch practice!"

"Who?"

James walked by. "She's the one with the huge knockers," he whispered in my ear.

"Oh, right…" I said. Evans slapped us both. She actually got both our faces with the same slap. It was a good one, too, it's still red and sting-y. Then she gave Prongs another for good measure.

She turned to me "How'd you make her faint?!"

I tried to explain to Lily that it wasn't my fault at all that she fainted, because I didn't chose to have such incredible good looks, but it didn't look like she believed me. She just got all huffy and called me an "arrogant prick," then stormed off. How unreasonable…

**9:00 pm**

The "fainting incident" earned me another detention. Honestly. I think McGonagall has a thing for me, always wanting to keep me in her strike love dungeon /strike classroom late at night. I've just got lines tonight, and McGonagall has conveniently seated herself right behind me. If I have to write _I will not take off any part of my Quidditch uniform while on the pitch anymore_ ONE MORE time, I will lose it.

**9:15 pm**

I think they just made this up; it can't possibly have been an actual school rule before.

**9:45 pm**

Ran into a little bit of trouble on the way back from detention. Turns out the i Sirius Black Fan Club /i does actually exist, and it's much bigger than I thought. What were all those girls doing out past curfew, anyway? They were hiding behind suits of armour and attempting to jump out and molest me as I walked past, that's what. Mental, all of them (the fan club part, not the obsession with me part, that's perfectly normal).

**9:50 am**

Managed to escape the fan club. I have to tell Prongs I have one and he doesn't. I wonder what they get up to there, but it must be pretty important, because they all were wearing matching pink shirts with my face on them, and they said "Siriusly devoted!" in big loopy letters.

Mental. Absolutely mental.

**9:52 pm**

How did they get my face on there, anyway? It looked like they took the picture on there while I was asleep.

**9:53 pm**

I wonder if Wormtail might like one of them as a Christmas gift? I should ask if I can have one. He's pathologically obsessed with James already, why not me?

I wonder what James would say if Evans wore one. I can probably convince her to do it if I tell her it might finally cause him to leave her alone.

**9:54 pm**

Not bloody likely.

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A/N: This is my first attempt at writing a fic this way, and I hope it doesn't read all weird and choppy. 

As I mentioned before, five chapters total. Regulus is next, here's a teaser-type-thing of his bit:

**_11:15 am_**

_Note from Lucius was thrown in my hair at breakfast. I only screamed a little. Here's what it said:_

Slytherin meeting, today, half past eleven, you-know-where. Bring the necessary equipment and tell nobody.

_**12:45 am** _

_Whew! Am back from meeting. Very tiring stuff. Will skip Potions essay and take a nap. strike Luscious /strike Lucius is very good Jazzercise instructor, and he looks great in pink spandex. _

Hope you liked it! (Also, no offence if your name is Meredith. Sorry.)


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